Hers to Heal Page 14

  She did as he asked, refusing to accept it for the way it sounded—an order. Once she lay across his hard, muscular form, she rested her chin on her folded arms. “I think you need to tell me how you feel about me right now before I continue with this.”

  “I still want to date you. Exclusively. Depending on how Piper accepts the reality of us being together and how you and I get along, I’m open to whatever happens between us. That god-awful rape does not define you or my feelings for you. End of story.” His hand cupped her ass in a possessive way. Surprisingly, she felt comforted by his gesture.

  “No, that’s not the end of the story. I was mentally damaged. Like you were when you came here, I couldn’t talk. If someone touched me, I screamed or crouched to the floor with my arms over my head. Since I had no clue who my attackers had been, I looked at every male with suspicion, even my team members that night.” Gina pushed back her hair, the rawness inside mounting with each revelation.

  Reece nodded, then kissed her forehead. “I’d thought of that scenario, too. After all, your team knew where you were situated in those pines. I can see why you couldn’t trust anyone.”

  “I couldn’t heal. The ineffectual counseling they provided didn’t help, nor did the drugs. I was useless at my job. When I was offered a medical discharge, I grabbed it with both hands.”

  “Let me guess, they did no investigation.” His lips formed a thin line.

  She shook her head. “They wanted me and any bad publicity of gang rape in the Marines removed as a potentially bad situation. I signed many nondisclosure forms. Then I traveled home to San Antonio to face more humiliation at the hands and mouth of my father, retired Marine Staff Sergeant Kyle Wilson. He was livid I’d told anyone about the rape. He thought I should have kept quiet about it. His lifelong mantra had always been ‘death before dishonor to the Corps.’ So his loyalty rested with them.”

  Reece enveloped one of her hands in his and brought it to his lips, kissing each one of her knuckles. “Family comes first. Yes, I love my SEAL brothers. I trust them, revere them, would die for them, but family is another obligation altogether.”

  “Not to my dad. Service to his country was always at the top of his priority list. He expected my mom to keep everything together while he went off to keep Americans safe. As a little girl, I wanted to be important to my father, to have him love me as much as he loved the Corps.” She shook her head. “Never happened. He lived, breathed, ate, and shit the U.S. Marines. How was a skinny, awkward yellow-haired kid supposed to measure up to the glory of that?”

  “Aw, hell, baby.”

  “My brother and I were at the bottom of his priority list. At least until our senior year of high school when it was time to think of our career path, which in his opinion was the road to the recruiter’s office.”

  “Not everyone is meant to serve. I’m glad I am—or was. I miss it. Damn, I miss it every day.” His thumb brushed across her lips in a tender gesture. “So what did you do after your old man treated you like that following your discharge?”

  “I barely spoke to anyone, especially him. I kept to my room. I was also out of touch with my body. It was my mother who asked if I was pregnant. She claimed I was showing. I couldn’t recall when my last period occurred. Hell, I couldn’t remember what I’d eaten the day before. When my dad found out about the possibility of a pregnancy, he insisted I go to a doctor.

  “Being touched so intimately by a male physician sent me into a screaming episode. All I could think of was the rape…man after man…the burning pain that intensified with each violation. I had to be given a mild sedative just to endure the examination.”

  Awareness widened Reece’s eyes. “Piper? Our precious Piper?”

  Gina nodded. “The examination confirmed the pregnancy. My father insisted I have an abortion. All his reasons made sense. Could I look at a child conceived in such a horrific way and want to hold it? Would there be love in me for such a child? There was no way I could ever learn who the father was…and, frankly, I didn’t want to know.

  “I was conflicted. I was slowly trying to put my life back together, yet jumped at every sound. There were night terrors. Could I deal with this baby growing inside me? My decision on whether to carry the baby to term or not changed by the hour. Dad warned me if I didn’t go through with the abortion, he’d disown me and toss me out.

  “I was already feeling a slight fluttering as she moved within me. At the doctor’s suggestion, I had a sonogram. Measurements showed I was five months pregnant. There was little Piper on the monitor with her arms outstretched to me as if she was begging me to take her, to accept her, and love her no matter what.” Gina began crying. “I couldn’t destroy my child. That’s what she became at that moment…mine and mine only. Not a child of a brutal rape, but my baby. A baby I needed to protect. And I have.”

  Reece feathered kisses over her face. “My strong, wounded Gina. No wonder you’ve been able to help me. You understood exactly where I was mentally and emotionally. Damn anyone who caused my woman pain. I know many females are assaulted in the service. Things are kept quiet. Cover-ups perpetrated. Lives are ruined. I’m honored you’ve entrusted me with your story.” He rolled over, tucking her body under his. “This makes Piper all the more precious, doesn’t it? I’m betting she was the beginning of your healing.”

  She curled into him. He understood her decision. Her father still didn’t and she suspected her mother felt the same way toward Piper—that she was filth, conceived in a filthy way. Whereas Gina somehow couldn’t connect the two extremes—the worst night of her life and the beautiful child she adored. Dr. Raymond classified it as her “coping mechanism” for the horrible hand she’d been dealt.

  “Yes. Yes, she was. That’s so bizarre for me to say because I’m strongly in favor of abortion when a female’s been raped. Yet I couldn’t follow through on my own beliefs when it came to Piper. She means everything to me.”

  “I know she does, baby.” He kissed the tears from her eyes. “I think we could use some fresh air. Give me a minute to put some clothes on and we’ll go for a walk. Sound good?” He dipped his head to look directly into her eyes.

  “Yes, that sounds good.” She needed to calm down after emptying her soul into this man’s hands. Now, her life and Piper’s were entrusted in them. She couldn’t have her child finding out how she was conceived—ever. She’d been so careful to cover her past to protect her daughter.

  “I can hear the gears running in that beautiful brain of yours. Even if we have one hellacious fight tomorrow and never speak again, what you just revealed in this room stays here.” His finger tapped his temple. “Piper will never find out from me. Nor will anyone else. That’s an oath I’ll take to my grave.”

  Chapter 15

  Reece quickly jerked on his prosthesis and clothes, his gaze slipping to Gina every few seconds. She was pale. Quiet. Too quiet for his liking. Did she regret opening up to him? Had sharing that horrific night brought back unwanted memories? If he went on instinct, he’d crawl back into the bed, hold her close, and kiss away her pain. Make slow love to her until he erased some of those awful recollections. But his instinct was no longer to be trusted, not when it was warped by his PTSD.

  The alpha in him wanted to roar and take possession of her; to brand her as his. But if she wasn’t ready or if she was too emotionally raw from the telling of her past, then he risked pushing her away. No, he’d have to wait for her cue. A statement she’d made slapped him alongside his head: “The rape left scars. I haven’t been with a man since.”

  Piper was six or so. That meant the rape occurred about seven years ago. He’d have to be very gentle and considerate the first time they made love. Most women he’d known liked it fast and rough. Those were the types he’d always been drawn to, maybe because he didn’t have to take their feelings into consideration. But Gina was different.

  He extended his hand. “Are you ready for a walk?”

  She placed hers in his and stood. He
embraced her and rubbed his cheek against hers. “What can I do to make you feel better, baby?”

  Her brown eyes searched his. “Did hearing my story change how you feel about Piper and me? Are you still interested in dating?”

  “You know, I didn’t stand on that street in Al-Hasakah, holding a fucking sign that read, ‘Blow off my arm,’ and I’m sure you didn’t hold a sign that said, ‘Bind me and rape me.’ ”

  “True.”

  “We have no control over some of the bad shit that happens to us. The blame for that falls on the perpetrators. Not us. And, for damn sure, not some adorable little girl. So no, my mind hasn’t changed.” In fact, her confession had only showed him how much they needed each other, how neatly their pasts clicked together, like two lost pieces of a disjointed puzzle.

  He opened the door to the outside and waved her through. “Let’s walk to where the horses are grazing this month. I want to introduce you to the smartest horse on earth.” He placed his palm over his chest. “Mine. Have you ever seen ZQ’s herd? He trains them for ranch work. He’s built up quite a reputation. I help some with the skittish ones.” He smiled and wrapped his arm around Gina’s shoulders. “We understand each other.”

  They passed by a crate of apples kept beside the stables. Reece grabbed two, stuffing them into the pockets of his jeans.

  “Junebug said you seem more comfortable around the horses than you do people.”

  “I do. I grew up around them. My dad and I trained mounts for rodeos. Cutting horses, too. But most of his business dried up when Mom got pancreatic cancer. Pops didn’t have the heart for training anymore. The costs of her treatments drained them financially. He sold some land to my twin brother, Riley, and his wife. I transferred some of the savings from my account to Pop’s, but the cost of Mom’s drugs and chemo damn near wiped them out.

  “Riley turned to cocaine when she died. He got addicted fast…real fast. Then got involved with some meth cookers and left his family. My sister-in-law, Jada Beth, is a lawyer and tries her best to keep things afloat without him. The last Pops and I talked on the phone, he was thinking of selling the place and moving in with her and Brooke, paying off the mortgage so Jada Beth wouldn’t have that hanging over her head.”

  “How do you feel about that?” Gina’s hand rested on his chest and he leaned to press a kiss to her forehead.

  “Mom made that ranch a home. Without her, it’s just buildings and land. Pops is having a hard time dealing with the memories there. I understand his thinking. I’m for whatever makes his life happier. She’s been gone for two years, so it’s not like he’s making an overnight decision. All I’ve asked is that he keeps enough money in the bank in case Riley comes back or Jada Beth meets another man, and Pops needs to get his own place again. I don’t want him to be where he feels he’s not welcome.”

  “You’re close to your dad.”

  Reece chuffed a laugh. “Yeah, he’s a jokester, but a good-hearted man.” He pointed. “See that palomino heading for us?”

  “Yeah.”

  “That’s my baby, Cochise. I helped bring him into the world one winter when I was home on leave. Every time I left to go on a mission or back to Coronado, California, where our team was based, I was afraid he’d forget me, but he never did. Did I mention he’s the smartest horse alive?” The palomino laid his head on Reece’s shoulder. Reece wrapped his arms around Cochise’s neck. This was their typical greeting. “How’s Daddy’s boy?”

  The massive horse nickered and nuzzled closer. “Got your eye on any of those mares out there?” Cochise shook his head. Reece removed an apple and a pocketknife. “You wouldn’t lie to me, would you?” The horse shook his head again while Reece cut the apple in quarters. “Well, I’ll tell you what. I’ve got my eye on a pretty filly.” Cochise looked him in the eye before taking a quarter of an apple off his outstretched hand.

  He held his other hand out for Gina. “Come here, baby. I want to introduce you two.” She sidled up to him and he wrapped his arm around her waist. “Cochise, this is Gina. What do you think of her? Isn’t she pretty?” The horse nodded and snorted. Reece placed a piece of apple in her hand and she extended it flat for Cochise.

  He stepped close, sniffed her, and then took the apple. “Give me another piece, Reece.” She rubbed Cochise’s muzzle. “You’re a handsome boy, aren’t you?” He nodded. “And smart, too.” He took the second piece from her and then nuzzled her neck.

  “Hey, buddy, she’s mine!” Cochise pushed him away and stepped between them. Gina grinned at Reece before scratching behind the horse’s ears. “Just my luck to be the odd man out.” He pointed to a pinto alone under a tree. “See that gelding out there?”

  Gina fed the last of the apple to his horse. “Yes.”

  “That’s Mingo. He won’t let anyone near him. Poor animal was whipped by some heartless bastards that ought to have their kneecaps blown out and then hung up by their short hairs. Mingo still has scars across his back, to say nothing of the scars in his mind.” Reece tugged the last apple out of his pocket and cut it in quarters with his pocketknife. “Watch how I’ve got him trained.”

  He walked slowly through the knee-high grass, pivoted away from the horse, and sat with his legs crossed and his head bowed. Flies buzzed and gnats circled, but he didn’t move, even when they landed and started biting.

  Slowly hooves and swishing tall grass sounded behind him. Then stopped. Mingo’s muzzle twitched against Reece’s hair as his nostrils inhaled his scent. Mingo blew from his nostrils and pawed the ground with one hoof. Still, Reece didn’t move. The horse bumped his shoulder and Reece extended an apple quarter—still looking down at the grass. Mingo ambled around him to stand at his knee. Reece commanded, “Down.” The horse lowered his front legs and ate the apple from Reece’s hand. “Stand.” Mingo did and was rewarded with another piece of apple. He rubbed his face against Reece’s neck before wandering off.

  Reece stood and took a bow for Gina. Cochise bumped her in a different direction and she laughed and called him jealous. The palomino with the big attitude wandered off. Being bitten alive by those damn insects was worth the price of hearing her laugh. A man would die for that musical sound.

  Two colts charged over, gangly looking with their long, spindly legs. He looped an arm around each one and they leaned against his body. He whispered to them and rubbed their necks before giving them the final two quarters of the apple. Neither colt seemed to mind his prosthesis. All they wanted was affection. Hell, don’t we all?

  Gina’s head turned and she watched something that had caught her eye. God, the woman had a pretty profile. He was in so deep where she was concerned.

  “What has your attention?” He trailed fingers down her arm.

  “I was just watching those three walking, taking note of their body language.” She pointed to ZQ, JJ, and Ashley. Nance trotted beside her master as if she’d follow him anywhere. “I take it the smaller person with the short black hair is the new girl?”

  “Yeah. What you’re watching is Commander Quinlan about to do an intervention. I’ve been wondering how much more he’d put up with before he exploded. Evidently he just tapped his boiling point. The tension between JJ and Ashley has been stretched so damn tight, it nearly vibrates.”

  Gina wrapped her arms around Reece’s waist. “That can’t be good for Junebug and her migraines.”

  “She was so pissed over how those two were acting this morning, she whipped a batch of scrambled eggs until they were almost as stiff as beaten egg whites, before pouring them into the frying pan. ZQ’s sure to lay down the law.”

  “I wonder why he’s carrying a rope?”

  Reece smiled. “Baby, you don’t even want to know. The commander has his ways.” He pulled her into his arms and nibbled on her lower lip before he bit it. “Just as I have mine.” Backing Gina up to a tree, he took full command of her lips and tongue and mouth. She moaned and he wrapped his arms under her rounded ass, lifting her, relishing the responsivene
ss of his prosthesis. Practice using it was making it seem more natural.

  She wrapped her legs around his hips and he leaned into her. The friction of his instant hard-on against her pelvis had his balls aching for release. The selfish bastards.

  He freed her lips, dragging his teeth along her jawline. “Feel my cock against you, sweetheart? Get used to it. I’ll be slow with you, gentle, loving. But I will make you mine in every way. You need to decide if you want that part of dating because, baby”—he ground against her again and her hips rose to echo his—“dating me is going to be more than just holding hands.”

  Her eyes were passion-hazed when he lowered her so her feet touched the ground once more. Her long fingers fiddled with the back of his hair. “Well, then. I guess you’ll be going to the movies tonight with Piper and me. I promised I’d take her to see Jo-Jo of the Jungle. Can you handle 3-D movies?”

  How had they gone from raw sex to 3-D animated flicks in the blink of an eye? Wait, had he even had a friggin’ chance to blink?

  “Is there a reason for your sudden change of topic?”

  He could have sworn a sexy sparkle glinted in her eyes. “I’ll wear my fuck-me heels to the theater.”

  Blood cells elbowed each other out of the way, tripping and punching to be the first to leave his brain and race to his cock. God help him.

  —

  ZQ had his back molars clamped so tight a headache hammered behind his eyeballs. Sure he’d expected some initial tension between JJ and Ashley, but hell in a shitstorm, nothing like this. He meant to put an end to it—today.

  Once they’d reached the top of a small hill that overlooked a large field of Black Angus grazing, he figured he’d walked off enough steam to talk in a rational manner. “Sit your asses down, back-to-back.” He pointed to a spot. Both stared at him. “That’s a goddamn order!” he barked. Nance whined and sat her ass down. ZQ almost smiled. He did love that pup.